Full of bellicose rhetoric. At war with @fatwans. Losing.
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“Fatwans” is Jamaican slang. It means “big fat lady” (that’s the polite translation, anyway). She is not actually fat, but has a lot of attitude, and over 250 followers on Twitter. Before you say anything, I don’t tweet for her. That would be weird. Here are some pictures of her being all lovely, and her latest Twitterature.

in the begining

Fatwans turned up at Toxic Towers in the summer of 2009, wearing a red collar. She was tiny, just barely grown out of being a kitten, and very very skittish. It turned out that she lived a short distance away, but was struggling there due to the presence of other pets and small children.

We found out on the grapevine that her name was Comfort, because she likes the smell of fabric softener, and sleeping on clean washing, Well, I wasn't going to call her that. Her temporary name was Little Friend, but that didn't really suit her either.

Via some neighbours that knew the original owners, I made sure that the transfer of Little Friend to Toxic Towers was with their blessing. When we heard that they were fine with it, I took her red collar off, and called her Fatwans.
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meow meow

Fatwans slowly gained her confidence at Toxic Towers. Now it's as if she owns the place, though suggestions that she helps with the mortgage repayments are met with icy stares.

It wasn't long before she started tweeting. I don't write her tweets. Neither does Phil. As far as I'm concerned, it's her. We have some ding-dong rows.


While over 450 Twitter followers is impressive, it's not enough for her.

She's even got her own website - fatwans.com
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A cat that tweets!


Toby was created in a bizarre industrial accident involving a quantity of mercury, ethanol, polonium 210, and Cillit Bang.


Q: Why did the gorilla get lost?

A: Because jungle is massive.

Assembled at:

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